Patchy Pop Culture: What Are 3 Songs You Own, But Shouldn't?

Vernon and South Windsor Local Editors Chris Dehnel and Ted Glanzer offer up their second installment of their favorite things: songs they should be ashamed to own, but aren't.

Time was that saying you’ve seen Metallica six times in concert meant something.

What that something is, I have no idea. Perhaps it was street cred.

Now that Metallica has a collector’s version of Monopoly out on sale, I’m pretty sure that they’ve lost any and all cred. They’re just another band cashing in.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just that I can’t imagine other thrash metal bands coming out with special edition board games.

Slayer Yahtzee anyone? Roll triple 6 and you win/lose?

Anyhoo, the subject of music came up between Chris and I, and we got to talking about unfortunate music choices. Everyone has a couple of songs in their libraries that they don’t freely cop to, and Chris and I are no exception.

We came up with three songs we each own and should be ashamed of, but aren’t.

Chris leads us off:

1. "The Quack, Quack Song," The Wiggles. No shame here. Why? A few years back, I was at a stoplight on Route 83, near the Vernon CVS. A car with two 20-somethings pulls alongside with this horrific rap music playing. I turn up the bass, click on the CD player. The Wiggles were in there for the kids. I turn up the volume …

"Quack, quack, quack, quack, cock-a-doodle do …"

Totally freaked them out. They sped off. I shared this a few months later with Anthony, the Blue Wiggle, in a pre-concert interview. He had to pause to control the laughter.

2. "Crazy Train," Pat Boone. Yes it's the Ozzy song and yes, Mr. Boone applied the old standards style to it as part of a 1997 album of hard rock covers. Now that you're laughing, you know you want to hear it. This is better than Wayne Newton putting his airplane in the front yard of his Vegas home in the middle of the night.

3. "O Come All Ye Faithful," Twisted Sister. It was late one December night and I had just finished my third cop story out of Rockville in two hours. I was tired. I searched for carols. It was there. I hit the button. Escaped the naughty list so I saved it.

Ted (looking both ways to ensure his friends aren’t around):

1. “Unskinny Bop,” Poison. Honestly, I can’t believe I am even copping to liking this song. Because … well, because of everything. It’s an awful song, and I love it. The lyrics make no sense. Not that the lyrics make sense in the majority of rock songs. 

It’s just that this song has some blatantly awful words strung together. “Unskinny bop and nuthin’ more to say.” Yep. That’s about it. Because if you say “Unskinny bop,” then you lose your right to talk. It’s one of the limited exceptions on when government can infringe on your First Amendment right to free speech.

Nevertheless, I still won’t shut the song off when it’s on the radio.

2. “Step by Step,” New Kids on the Block - Kids, before there was ‘N Sync and The Backstreet Boys, there was NKOTB. I’m not lying when I say I love this song. No foolin’. The following was typed from memory: Step One - we can have lots of fun, Step Two - there’s so much we can do, Step Three - It’s just you and me, Step Four - I can give you more, Step Five - don’t you know that the time is right?! Huh! 

My wife is a lucky woman.

3. “Party in the USA,” Miley Cyrus - The video to this song has over 320 million hits on YouTube as of Saturday afternoon. I account for about 300 million of them. Never mind that Miley admitted when this song was released she had never heard a Jay-Z track. That notwithstanding, this track is more contagious than the Ebola virus. Noddin’ my head like, yeah.

Total earworm and I love it.


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