Typically, the items on said lists are supposed to be things that are realistic. Chris and Ted tackle bucket lists in this week’s installments of Patchy Pop Culture with three things that they’d like to do before they die.
Chris, as you will see, has three that are far more realistic than Ted.
Chris is here to lead us off:
1. A trip on the Area 51 employee shuttle. When you're in Vegas, near the airport, which is really near The Strip, look for the unmarked white plane with the red stripe. That's how the employees go to work out there. The running joke in town is that the plane is the worst-kept secret in government. When I was the transportation coordinator at the Las Vegas Ski & Snowboard resort, the plane would fly overhead every morning at the first stop for the LVSSR Ski Bus. A short ride, but how cool would it be?
2. Skiing in Antarctica. I've been on trips where an avalanche transponder is standard equipment and I am fully trained to use it. I still think the backcountry in British Columbia is the best snow on the continent. But another continent? At the bottom of the world? Skiing down toward the water? Staying on a boat? I have to stop … it's making me crazy.
3. Landing a voiceover part in an animated movie. When my kids watch, say Nemo or Madagascar, I watch the characters and try to determine if my voice would fit. Hate my voice. People at church say they like it when I read. It doesn't matter. I'd like to be a big pink Yeti in some abominable snowman animated movie. OK, a fish in a tank would do.
1. Play one game at shortstop for the New York Yankees. Still waiting on that phone call from Derek Jeter telling me that he wants the day off and is looking for someone even more handsome than he to fill in.
2. Play one rock concert before a sold out audience. This, believe it or not, is far less realistic than the Yankees one. At least at one point in my life I was - depending on whom you talk to - an OK (my high school coach’s description) to amazing (my dad) baseball player. My high school coach was probably closer to the mark.
I, however, can’t play an instrument, nor can I sing. And dancing? Well, when I try, my wife just looks at me, shakes her head and tells me she loves me.
3. Punch George Lucas in the face for creating Jar Jar Binks. OK, I would never resort to violence. Honestly and no foolin’. But a guy can dream, can’t he?
Bonus: Memorize the lyrics to REM's "It's the End of the World (I Feel Fine)." So far, all I have is "Eye of a hurricane" and "Leonard Bernstein." Maybe I can sing it at that sold out show.