Stuck in my routine

I have been feeling stuck in my work out routine lately, actually, quite some time now.  I’ve been doing the same exercises now for probably a good 2 years.  It’s time to mix it up a bit.  I watch other people at the Y do their routines and some times I think there is no way I will be able to do that but the other morning, my husband helped prove me wrong.  I asked him to help me with my workout routine. This summer he reached another one of his goals by becoming a personal trainer so who better to help me than him.  I was excited and hesitant all in one.  I wasn’t sure what to expect but I knew I was in good hands.  Who else would know what I am capable of besides my partner.  He was funny the first time I asked him a few months ago, he wasn’t sure if I should be the first person he would work with because I am a person with “issues.”  I thought that was funny.  Issues.  Yeah, that’s a way to put it!  So we went to the Y early Saturday morning.  I was excited, looking forward to a change in my workout routine and looking forward to working out with him again.  That’s how we started this journey, together.  As he mentioned in his last blog, it is very helpful to start a new journey of eating and working out with a partner.  A partner who will help you through good times and bad, the times that you don’t think you can do it, they are there to help push you along.  

He exposed me to new exercises that I couldn’t picture myself doing a few years ago, to  be honest, a few days ago.  I wanted to focus more on my hamstrings and boy did we do that!  A few years ago, after a workout like that, I wouldn’t be able to walk for days but this time I felt great!  Yes my legs were tired but a good tired.  They felt like they did when I was in high school playing sports. I haven’t felt that pulsing in my muscles from exercise in a long time.  It is such a good feeling.  It brings me back to before the MS, a time when I was very active.  I like that feeling and I want it to last.  It’s different than the tired feeling I get with my legs sometimes with the MS but that’s a good thing.  Before the MS reared it’s ugly head, I enjoyed playing sports.  I lettered in softball and volleyball in high school and also won the State Championship in golf in my freshmen year.  I miss the feeling you get after a good game or good round of golf.  The other day  helped me get a piece of that back. A piece I didn’t realize I was missing so much until I felt it and I have him to thank for it.  He was bossy but gentle.  He knew my limitations but didn’t let that stop me.  He would ask if I wanted to stop or take a break but I was enjoying it so much I didn’t want it to stop, the adrenaline I was feeling, I haven’t felt in a long time.

As I sit here typing all of this and spilling my guts, I’m pondering on how to keep that feeling going.  How do I sustain this great feeling?  The only way I can think of is to go back to the gym and do it again.  Am I nervous that the next time I go I won’t have him with me to make sure I am doing the exercises correct, yes.  Am I nervous that this maybe a one time feeling and I won’t feel it again, yes. I can’t let the thoughts of my MS stopping me get in the way.  That is such a hard thing to do when I’ve been doing it for so long.  I know I’ve said it before that you really can’t understand another person’s struggles until you walk in their shoes, well that’s really true.  I don’t know what it is like to have another disease, but that doesn’t matter.  I know what it is like to have MS and I have it.  I didn’t ask for it, I am just one of the lucky ones I guess.  It chose me so now how do I keep going with these great feelings that I am starting to experience again without letting the MS stop me?  The only answer I can come up with is keep plugging along.  Keep doing what I am doing.  Keep fighting even though I have days when I want to give up, but I can’t. I have a family.  I can’t give up on me because that is giving up on them and thats not fair to them.