Just Fishin'?

Saturday was opening day of fishing season and that made me reflect on fond memories of our opening day tradition and spending precious time with my dad.  I reminiscence about waking up when it was still dark outside to head down to the river, sipping coffee while dawn breaks over the horizon, enjoying a freshly prepared breakfast listening to the babbling of the river – priceless memories.  My dad was an avid outdoorsman who spent every free moment in the woods.  He was a life-long member of a fish & game club where he found his solace, the home of our tradition.  His philosophy was that in nature was his spirituality and his church was the club. Perhaps that is why shortly after we lost him, his colleague and good friend told me that when I see a hawk, it is my dad watching over me.

My dad was a man of paradoxes.  He was a simple, yet complicated man.  He was a wise, yet uneducated man.  He was a humble, yet proud man.  He was steeped in tradition, yet way ahead of his time.  He was just a guy, like any other guy – yet to me, he was a hero.

It’s amazing how much influence a parent can have on a child – even into their adulthood.  It’s amazing how much you can learn – even without realizing it.  It’s amazing how much you can convey – without ever saying a word. 

In the song, “Just fishin’,” Trace Adkins shares a glimpse into what dad’s think, “She ain’t even thinkin’ ‘bout what’s really goin’ on right now, but I guarantee this memory’s a big’in and she thinks we’re just fishin’.”  All those days dad and I spent at the club he took command of his classroom.  Clueless to what was actually happening, I was learning volumes, teachings that would shape my evolution and build the foundation that I would find strength in and rely on in the future.  There Dad taught me life lessons that defined the person I became – teaching me how to be self-sufficient, how to overcome adversity, how to be a better person…,and I thought we were just fishin’.  I guess this is what distinguishes a dad from a father, and I will be forever grateful for being a lucky one who had a dad.

A week ago, I participated in a charity-fishing derby – the first time my husband (of 15+ years) and I have ever fished together.  When he tried to show me how to cast, I actually laughed and asked him if he ever met my dad.  I caught my first fish of the day before my husband got his first cast out.  Of course, a hawk circled overhead to nod that I was doing well. 

My dad’s been gone nearly 3-years now yet I frequently feel the urge to call him to share the days triumphs or a tragedies.  It’s not that I’ve forgotten, it’s that he is still so much a part of who I am, he’s not really gone.  On days where I successfully adapt and navigate through challenges,  on days where I feel I’ve lost my way, on days where I just want someone to be on my side…I look towards the sky… and usually see a hawk, and find the assurance I need to move on.    

To all you dads out there, spend time with your daughters.  You don’t have to spend money, just time – give her the gift that she’ll someday treasure, even if she doesn’t realize it today.  To all you daughters out there, spend time with your father.  Whenever he leaves, it’ll be too soon and in your memories, he will always be.  Edzzzu Quotes say, “The first true love any girl has is her father.  No one will ever replace him as the love of her life…”  This is probably why they also say little girls grow up and marry their dads - as I did.  I find it shocking how much I didn’t comprehend and how much I didn’t say... 

To my Dad, my friend, my mentor – thank you.  I am grateful for the sacrifices you made, the lessons you taught, and the person you were.  I hope that you’re proud of the little girl you’ve raised...one full of confidence and compassion, of integrity and intelligence, of patriotism and perseverance, of diligence and deliberateness, empowered and accomplished…all because of you. The memories were “big’ins” and I thought we were just fishin’.  Thank you for everything, Dad, I love you and miss you.